Monday, May 21, 2018

I may look dumb, but I am not.

I'm happy go lucky type of person, always cheerful. But there are somethings which bother me always. One of them is this.

I always have this question in my mind. Why do people consider me as a someone special or very great person or very intelligent person or lucky person?

Just because I'm physically challenged they often say such things when they say that I can do anythings just like a normal guy.

Actually they don't expect people like me to do things better than them. They expect people like me not to do anything.

One day, I was at a function where a kid was asking me which school do I go? Or which class am I studying?

Or in a bus people often asked me which school do I go or which class am I studying, just like that kid. When I tell them that I'm working at a bank, they look shocked or surprised. 

I remembered back my school days once one of my classmate asked me not to come to school because I don't write anything anyhow and he could sit at my place.

Likewise many more incidents had happened, happening and will continue to happen in the future.

Mostly I just ignore them but those words hurts you when you had a bad day or when you are going through a bad time. It may keep me awake all night long thinking why am I like this, why am I not like normal guys.

I normally don't express my these feelings to my family otherwise they will be tensed about me. I always try to be happy and smiling.

I don't consider myself to be great or special or very intelligent person as they say to me or someone whom they introduce me.
I just do or try to do things like them (normal).

Yes. I do accept that I just need to work harder than them but who doesn't work hard?

There are many people who are more smarter/intelligent then me, but they don't say them, hey! You are very intelligent person. Because they expect them to be smart, intelligent or hardworking. But on the other hand they expect physically challenged to be dependent on someone or not to be intelligent.

They try to show sympathy or too much of concern like how does a handicapped person do normal work. "How did you do this? You have a problem".

I can understand who is actually concerned and who is just faking it. They are two faced people:
On the one hand they show concern and on the other hand they try to pull you down. I had a faculty in my grades days who was like this. She used to praise me when I was around but when I was not around, she used to say like Ajit and Abhinandan (my twin brother) should not do this, they can't do it properly and many more things. It was demoralising. When we (I and Abhinandan) got to know about this, we gave a complaint against her to college authorities.

It is not like I get these types of people to handle everyday. I have met many good people too. But bad people or bad memories have a huge impact on us and make us strong.

I just want to say..
I may look dumb, but I am not.
Almost all people whom I meet their first impression would be like I'm dumb, what am I doing here. But once they came to know me, they understand I'm not dumb but just like them.

I did not choose to be like this, now I'm like this. I'm still happy.

I don't need your Sympathy but your Empathy.

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